I think of all the roadblocks I encounter, my innate perfectionist my worst enemy. I was a classic perfectionist in late elementary/junior high and I wasn't happy unless I got 100 per cent on an exam. I disliked subjects like English because it was impossible to get a perfect score. I was over-achieving, neurotic, and terrified of failure. It has been a long road to recovery from that particular personality flaw. People know me now probably wouldn't think of me as a perfectionist at all. Some of my fellow students were tortured by their inner perfectionism and became anorexic or bulimic. I was lucky to avoid those diseases.
There are days when the artistic process is hard for me because of the rough edges, the unformed ideas, the early days of rehearsal just feel like I'm making bad art. I've made a lot of bad art, I know, and sometimes it haunts me. It's living in the NOW rather than obsessing about past failures that keeps me sane.
It's all about
ego, isn't it. Ego gets a bad wrap these days. I think it's important to have a healthy ego and feel pride in your accomplishments, but ego can be that strange animal that grows and shrinks according to what kind of positive and negative feedback the world is giving you at this moment. The important thing to remember that it's all about balance--avoiding the thunderheads of self hate and not flying to close to the hot sun of self-grandeur. The trick is to keep a neutral attitude towards the tasks you are doing in the present, and then later, from a distance, putting your critical hat on. Ya gotta be tough. Ya gotta be sensitive. It's all a part of the process. But the important thing is that you have to be happy with what you wake up in the morning to do. If you're not happy with that, it's time to visit your inner travel agent and book another trip.
I think of all the roadblocks I encounter, my innate perfectionist my worst enemy. I was a classic perfectionist in late elementary/junior high and I wasn't happy unless I got 100 per cent on an exam. I disliked subjects like English because it was impossible to get a perfect score. I was over-achieving, neurotic, and terrified of failure. It has been a long road to recovery from that particular personality flaw. People know me now probably wouldn't think of me as a perfectionist at all. Some of my fellow students were tortured by their inner perfectionism and became anorexic or bulimic. I was lucky to avoid those diseases.
There are days when the artistic process is hard for me because of the rough edges, the unformed ideas, the early days of rehearsal just feel like I'm making bad art. I've made a lot of bad art, I know, and sometimes it haunts me. It's living in the NOW rather than obsessing about past failures that keeps me sane.
It's all about ego, isn't it. Ego gets a bad wrap these days. I think it's important to have a healthy ego and feel pride in your accomplishments, but ego can be that strange animal that grows and shrinks according to what kind of positive and negative feedback the world is giving you at this moment. The important thing to remember that it's all about balance--avoiding the thunderheads of self hate and not flying to close to the hot sun of self-grandeur. The trick is to keep a neutral attitude towards the tasks you are doing in the present, and then later, from a distance, putting your critical hat on. Ya gotta be tough. Ya gotta be sensitive. It's all a part of the process. But the important thing is that you have to be happy with what you wake up in the morning to do. If you're not happy with that, it's time to visit your inner travel agent and book another trip.
No comments:
Post a Comment